Got a should in your current mind matrix? “I should ___________.” I should be further ahead. I should have done that differently. I shouldn’t have eaten that. Cue best phrase ever: >>>>> DON’T SHOULD ALL OVER YOURSELF! <<<<< Should is such a trickster. A subtly shaming trap.
What it’s really saying is: who you are is not enough. And that’s just not so. You are enough, even if you’re shoving a whole bag of lays potato chips in your mouth. You are enough, even if your partner or parent tells you otherwise. You are enough, even if you “fail,” “fuck up,” or “falter. There is a kinder way to be with shoulds, one that allows for inquiry and growth, without the shaming.
Re-frame it with this sentence; "If I really wanted to I could..."
And then lovingly examine if that is what you truly desire to do. At the very least, this is a way to shift from shame to love. And that alone is HUUUUGE.
We’re all growing toward our most authentic self, our highest version of our human that we can muster… when done with shame, growth happens with pain and struggle. When done with loving kindness, growth happens with grace and gusto.